Friday, August 22, 2008

What would YOU have done if you can turn back time?

I've always wondered how things would have been had things been simpler. What would have happened if the thread I have now taken had never existed? What if I was not meant to come to IMU? Would everything have been different then? Would I be happier? Would my worries be less burdensome than it is now? Sometimes I wish I had the power to turn back time and restart, rewind, knowing what would have happened in the future and perhaps changing ways to prevent these things from happening.

Then I think about my current life versus what could have been. Sure, I would have been in fourth year by now, studying medicine instead of moping about second semester in pharmacy. But would I have been satisfied with my life? Perhaps I would. I did love Liverpool after all. But my social life had been almost nonexistent there. Only a small circle of friends. And small means like 1 or 2. Which means that just perhaps I ended up more complete back here in Malaysia. However, I simply don't like the weather and the political situation here. Sigh, dilemmas.

I don't want to think too much about it, but I do feel sad sometimes. A bit disconnected from the rest of the batch no matter how nice I was being treated and everything. It's simply not right, it's simply not where I'm SUPPOSED to be. I'm 23, I'm not 21 or 20, 19 or even 18. The age gap is there, and you can't change nor hide it. At least not for long. Perhaps the question I should ask myself now is... am I fulfilled here? Do I feel more satisfied here compared to Liverpool? It's a hard question to answer, and I don't think I can answer it anytime soon. This requires some pondering over, and I'm just too tired to care. The question will always be at the back of my mind though, so I guess it'll haunt me till the day I die.

Well, emo things aside, the week was rather tiring. I had to go to and fro from uni to Sunway on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday so I could accompany my family and shop at the same time. I didn't exactly buy a lot of stuff, just a pair of three quarter pants, a pair of jeans, a T-shirt(shirt?) and a pair of Reebok shoes. I did have nice meals though, was quite a change from the usual mamak fare, Indian food as well as the cafeteria food (though I haven't had cafeteria food for some time). Everything went well enough, I'm not sure when we can have another family outing like this. I don't think it'll be easy to do in the future. So enjoy while we can :)

I also had an unexpected call to go for the debate training on Thursday! I tried to forget to go on Wednesday, thinking I'd pulled it off when no one called or anything. Little did I know they changed it to Thursday. And as usual, I got the last minute notice, saying that I should go for the greater glory yadda yadda... As reluctant as I feel I have to do my duty, so off I went. The motion was weird to say the least: The house would like to ban all websites that glorify eating disorders. And we get to be the opening government. Nothing worse than that really. It was hard to set the scene, so we decided Japan, although we realised much later that that was a bad idea, very bad idea. Oh well, my first time at being opening government, so n00bs are n00bs. We were placed 3rd so it wasn't TOO bad.

I also went for Bak Kut Teh after LG tonight. It was quite good, although they ran out of the kueh. One thing though, it was rather pricey for the amount given. In fact, I wasn't half full when I got out of there. Just goes to show the ripple effect of the increasing petrol price I guess. Everything and everyone suffers. Consumers the most especially. Hopefully the price drops soon. I really can't stand the price of things these days. Makes me want to hurt someone. Bad.

1 comment:

David Lam said...

Hey KY glad your still keeping up with your blog (now just apply the same dedication to your uni work :P). I think it's really interesting and very eloquently put, I wish I could write like that! In answer to your question, yes sure I have thought about changing the past. I know I have made many mistakes in my time and who knows what path I might have taken if I had done things differently. Could have ended up better or worse, I will never know - not exactly really happy or really sad at my current situation, more like content which am happy to settle for. I don't know why but when I think about the past, it tends not to be really that positive - maybe I'm just one of those pessimistic people (I mean come on, who on earth really thinks a glass is half full). I tend not to dwell on the past too much, it just ends up getting me down (and you can't change it anyway). Best thing to do is to look to the future, I tend to see the future in a much more positive light, full of oppertunities and promise.

I'm sure you will feel a bit less disconnected from the batch in time. As for age, don't think it's really that important. 23 is still young and your not exactly full of wrinkles or have premature aging like me :O Even though you may have been older, I did not see you as a 21 yr old (at the time) but as someone around my age - infact I didn't even really consider age unless it came up in conversation and even then my opinions did not change. I'ts about how you feel inside, I still think I'm 18 :D

Family outings are good, try to do it more often. My parents and I have recently been going to "yam cha" more often, its a great place to catch up and talk about rubbish for a few hours, I really enjoy it. Also whats this about things being really expensive in Malaysia - I thought things were crazy cheap over there.