Monday, October 6, 2008

The mists of space and time retreat from my mind...

Perhaps the flow of time isn’t so hard to grasp after all. I go to the university to study, come back and do something else to pass my time, and then worry about assignments and upcoming exams. Sure procrastination is bad, but who hasn’t procrastinated before? Certainly not me.

It’s been some time since I last wrote because I thought that well, there wasn’t much to report on. I go home for the study break, study a bit here and there, enjoy myself while I can (although it’s not easy to define enjoying oneself when you’re under the watchful eyes of both your parents) and generally goof off the rest of the time. In time I came to understand that I was procrastinating, not unlike the many times I’ve been doing during the many holidays I was given right before an exam.

I’m not sure why I do it, to be quite honest. I attribute it to the strong desire to complete the first part of my miserable life; that is, to study. I’ve realised some time ago that I simply dislike the act of studying for an exam. If for some reason I can treat it not as a chore (as in, not studying) then I can put my fullest attention towards it. I guess I’m not exactly a model student then huh? :P

Alright, updates inbound. I didn’t really do much at home. I stayed upstairs most of the time since I needed to get some private space to study but it’s amazingly hot back in Kuching. Strange, you’d think that KL would be hotter but no… it’s not really, when I came back to KL it rained and rained and it was cool ALL THE WAY. Anywho. Apart from the insane heat, I tried to get some studying done, although as I said earlier not much was accomplished. And per the tradition of going home for the hols, there will definitely be a moment when my parents brought the issue of my being lazy, wanting things spoonfed, yadda yadda yadda up and yes, the usual Liverpool, the how-am-I-going-to-face-my-colleagues rant and stuff. And as usual, I cried. And cried. And wondered why I have to be subjected to this again… After that, back to normal. It’s like it never even happened. That’s how my long hols are always like. There’s this barrier between my parents and I that stopped us from completely understanding one another. That’s probably why I’m not keen on going home for the holidays, but then again what about the filial son thing? Sigh, life isn’t easy, never was roses, daisies and chocolates, never is and probably never will be. Don’t get me wrong, I love Kuching, although there really isn’t much to do there. It’s my hometown, I absolutely think Kuching food is the best bar none. But there’s always this dread whenever I go home, wondering when will the emotional floodgates open and if I can go through it again.

Coming back here to KL made life at least a little more… um, breathable. No judging people here trying to scrutinise every single little thing I do. Judging me for who I am. But the prospect of the physio exam loomed ahead like a huge tombstone. And I wasn’t prepared. Oh no I wasn’t prepared. Regardless, I went through it. Although it stung like the most vicious wasp when I looked at the questions in despair, racking my brains, trying to find a single iota of information which could possibly help me in that horrible predicament I held my head up high throughout the whole agonising process. If it comes to retaking the exam, so be it. Parents or not, I have to go through this eventually don’t I? It’s not like I haven’t gone through it before. Another scar to add to the already numerous marks from the never ending battle that is Life. No biggie. I think. God.

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