Saturday, July 11, 2009


The appointed date for submission of our poorly written and conceived essays for Health Promotion is coming soon, as is the date for the Drugs and Disease Class Test. It's interesting in a way, but I'm more inclined to believe that by now I should be worried and concerned that I have read and covered so little for the class test, especially after that workshop on it the other day. Strangely though, I didn't, and still don't, have the drive and motivation to study hard for it, which I really require if I should need to perform relatively well in it. I'm sure my distaste for studying had something to do with it, although I also think I'm slowly getting detached from the real world, and the things that we have to face constantly. Denial, if you will. I don't really know why, and I hope that in time I may become more in touch with reality and getting more involved in it, not only physically, which sometimes you can't run away from, but mentally as well; and in this case, very very vulnerable to detachment.

Nevertheless, the past month has been quite uneventful, and I revel in that sometimes. Being involved tires me, and I like to sit back and watch the world go by at times, although I could do without the inevitable feelings of guilt that I have procrastinated yet again and not done anything useful to the society, and to a larger extent, for myself. Basically, the daily routines are similar on a day to day basis; we go to the university, we sit down for lectures, complain if the lectures go on for too long, go for the occasional workshop after lunch and then go home. Most of the time, I'd be staring in a daze at the lecturer, and for all the good in the world, the rest of the batch thinks I'm actually paying attention and listening to every word, when in fact I was daydreaming. That's part of the reason I'm wholly convinced I'm actually quite detached.

Another strange thing is, although our 'official' hours in university is getting shorter and shorter, I grow more and more exhausted by the end of the day and a good nap is mandatory, if I was to perform well the next day. Napping is well and good, for me at least. I'm sure loads would beg to differ, as most of them view it as a waste of time and your life. I must say, reluctant as I was to admit it, there is a hint of truth to this opinion. Why should we waste so many of our precious hours sleeping when we could do other things, things which open our eyes to the secrets of the world, experiences leaving us shivering in delight, the adrenaline-filled, exciting feel of looking into the eyes of our opponent as we try to discern and interpret his next move in a game of cat and mouse, be it chess or tennis, and miracles of the culinary world that sends us careening into the very depths of our soul, sating our hunger and thirst for the almost-ethereal sensations which grace our taste buds? It's all very well, but if I may, napping can also be considered a form of hobby. If socialising and sports is not our cup of tea, then what would our precious, hard earned free hours be used for? I would use it for napping, albeit not everytime. The greatest gift sleeping has given me is to forget, much like alcohol does to others. I can choose to enter a black void of emptiness for the next hour or so, or perhaps wander in the dreamworld, where worldly woes, worries and doubts simply cease to exist, at least for a while.

I suppose this is why people often wonder why I look into the distance sometimes, as if I was staring at something. In truth, I was simply trying to 'fall asleep' while awake, so to speak. In other words, daydream. I often wondered if there is something more to this life, than our day to day trudging to the university. It feels sad. I wished something strange would happen in my life, sort of like in a fantasy setting. Something different than our daily dull, uninteresting existence. Then again, it's all just a dream isn't it?

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