Homeward bound, again?

I'm going home again today... I think it's odd and strange that they've arranged it this way: to have to come back only to sit for one paper and then back to hols for the next 4 weeks or so. I guess it's good in a way, being able to go home and not to think too much about food. Enjoy it while I can.

This whole week has been rather unproductive. I didn't do much, if anything at all. Got bored the day after physio exam, so I went to Midvalley and walked around a bit. I didn't know Brisingr was out though, so you can imagine my surprise when I happen to stumble upon it in MPH. A VERY nice surprise for a change ^^. Pricey book though, it was RM85 or so. Only reasons I bought it was a) I'm bored shitless and b) I was been waiting for quite some time for the third installment of the Inheritance trilogy. However, I found out that there's going to be a fourth book, unlike what the author said earlier! He said it was because it was simply too long, and now it's no longer a trilogy but rather a cycle. More waiting then :( I just hope it'll be all the sweeter when it comes out.

Got to pack now, going off in a few. See you on the other side bishes! ^^

The mists of space and time retreat from my mind...

Perhaps the flow of time isn’t so hard to grasp after all. I go to the university to study, come back and do something else to pass my time, and then worry about assignments and upcoming exams. Sure procrastination is bad, but who hasn’t procrastinated before? Certainly not me.

It’s been some time since I last wrote because I thought that well, there wasn’t much to report on. I go home for the study break, study a bit here and there, enjoy myself while I can (although it’s not easy to define enjoying oneself when you’re under the watchful eyes of both your parents) and generally goof off the rest of the time. In time I came to understand that I was procrastinating, not unlike the many times I’ve been doing during the many holidays I was given right before an exam.

I’m not sure why I do it, to be quite honest. I attribute it to the strong desire to complete the first part of my miserable life; that is, to study. I’ve realised some time ago that I simply dislike the act of studying for an exam. If for some reason I can treat it not as a chore (as in, not studying) then I can put my fullest attention towards it. I guess I’m not exactly a model student then huh? :P

Alright, updates inbound. I didn’t really do much at home. I stayed upstairs most of the time since I needed to get some private space to study but it’s amazingly hot back in Kuching. Strange, you’d think that KL would be hotter but no… it’s not really, when I came back to KL it rained and rained and it was cool ALL THE WAY. Anywho. Apart from the insane heat, I tried to get some studying done, although as I said earlier not much was accomplished. And per the tradition of going home for the hols, there will definitely be a moment when my parents brought the issue of my being lazy, wanting things spoonfed, yadda yadda yadda up and yes, the usual Liverpool, the how-am-I-going-to-face-my-colleagues rant and stuff. And as usual, I cried. And cried. And wondered why I have to be subjected to this again… After that, back to normal. It’s like it never even happened. That’s how my long hols are always like. There’s this barrier between my parents and I that stopped us from completely understanding one another. That’s probably why I’m not keen on going home for the holidays, but then again what about the filial son thing? Sigh, life isn’t easy, never was roses, daisies and chocolates, never is and probably never will be. Don’t get me wrong, I love Kuching, although there really isn’t much to do there. It’s my hometown, I absolutely think Kuching food is the best bar none. But there’s always this dread whenever I go home, wondering when will the emotional floodgates open and if I can go through it again.

Coming back here to KL made life at least a little more… um, breathable. No judging people here trying to scrutinise every single little thing I do. Judging me for who I am. But the prospect of the physio exam loomed ahead like a huge tombstone. And I wasn’t prepared. Oh no I wasn’t prepared. Regardless, I went through it. Although it stung like the most vicious wasp when I looked at the questions in despair, racking my brains, trying to find a single iota of information which could possibly help me in that horrible predicament I held my head up high throughout the whole agonising process. If it comes to retaking the exam, so be it. Parents or not, I have to go through this eventually don’t I? It’s not like I haven’t gone through it before. Another scar to add to the already numerous marks from the never ending battle that is Life. No biggie. I think. God.

Next week's madness!

Understand that next week may very well be a bit out of hand since there are a few assignments to hand up. Odd huh? All I talk about is assignments, assignments and more assignments. I mean, there must be more than this in IMU right? Strangely, apart from handing up assignments, everything else seems like a blur to me. I flit into uni, float from lecture to lecture and then float back to my apartment, all the time in a daze and not soaking anything in. That's just me I guess. Studying isn't priority number 1 although it really should be.

Anywho, it has been a rather long and uneventful week. Apart from someone giving me a very nice shirt. You know who you are, so thank you very much! I really like it, and you can bet your epaulets I'm going to wear it. Loads of assignments and Foundation Pharmacy draft to hand up, so got to pick up the pace!

What would YOU have done if you can turn back time?

I've always wondered how things would have been had things been simpler. What would have happened if the thread I have now taken had never existed? What if I was not meant to come to IMU? Would everything have been different then? Would I be happier? Would my worries be less burdensome than it is now? Sometimes I wish I had the power to turn back time and restart, rewind, knowing what would have happened in the future and perhaps changing ways to prevent these things from happening.

Then I think about my current life versus what could have been. Sure, I would have been in fourth year by now, studying medicine instead of moping about second semester in pharmacy. But would I have been satisfied with my life? Perhaps I would. I did love Liverpool after all. But my social life had been almost nonexistent there. Only a small circle of friends. And small means like 1 or 2. Which means that just perhaps I ended up more complete back here in Malaysia. However, I simply don't like the weather and the political situation here. Sigh, dilemmas.

I don't want to think too much about it, but I do feel sad sometimes. A bit disconnected from the rest of the batch no matter how nice I was being treated and everything. It's simply not right, it's simply not where I'm SUPPOSED to be. I'm 23, I'm not 21 or 20, 19 or even 18. The age gap is there, and you can't change nor hide it. At least not for long. Perhaps the question I should ask myself now is... am I fulfilled here? Do I feel more satisfied here compared to Liverpool? It's a hard question to answer, and I don't think I can answer it anytime soon. This requires some pondering over, and I'm just too tired to care. The question will always be at the back of my mind though, so I guess it'll haunt me till the day I die.

Well, emo things aside, the week was rather tiring. I had to go to and fro from uni to Sunway on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday so I could accompany my family and shop at the same time. I didn't exactly buy a lot of stuff, just a pair of three quarter pants, a pair of jeans, a T-shirt(shirt?) and a pair of Reebok shoes. I did have nice meals though, was quite a change from the usual mamak fare, Indian food as well as the cafeteria food (though I haven't had cafeteria food for some time). Everything went well enough, I'm not sure when we can have another family outing like this. I don't think it'll be easy to do in the future. So enjoy while we can :)

I also had an unexpected call to go for the debate training on Thursday! I tried to forget to go on Wednesday, thinking I'd pulled it off when no one called or anything. Little did I know they changed it to Thursday. And as usual, I got the last minute notice, saying that I should go for the greater glory yadda yadda... As reluctant as I feel I have to do my duty, so off I went. The motion was weird to say the least: The house would like to ban all websites that glorify eating disorders. And we get to be the opening government. Nothing worse than that really. It was hard to set the scene, so we decided Japan, although we realised much later that that was a bad idea, very bad idea. Oh well, my first time at being opening government, so n00bs are n00bs. We were placed 3rd so it wasn't TOO bad.

I also went for Bak Kut Teh after LG tonight. It was quite good, although they ran out of the kueh. One thing though, it was rather pricey for the amount given. In fact, I wasn't half full when I got out of there. Just goes to show the ripple effect of the increasing petrol price I guess. Everything and everyone suffers. Consumers the most especially. Hopefully the price drops soon. I really can't stand the price of things these days. Makes me want to hurt someone. Bad.

The storm has passed, or has it?

Well, the mini storm has subsided somewhat, but who's to say it won't come back fiercer than ever? The point is, Bioscience class test has ended, and although I don't want to count my chickens before they hatch I do want to say that I'm cautiously confident of being able to pass it, and that means less worrying about EoS. Then again, I did specifically say 'cautiously'.

In short, I had no idea anyone can possibly make a simple genetics subject into a paper so difficult 1 hour for 40 questions wasn't quite enough to figure things out. And it was all MCQs! Was a nightmare tbqh, and I didn't go prepared. Well, the luxury only extends so far as to this semester. Next I'll have to work harder or I'm screwed.

Main event coming up soon. I'm going to meet my parents in Sunway later. But it'll have to be later since I have classes till 5. Time to eat nice foods and go shopping (hopefully!) so yeah, it'll be nice :) And plus I get to skip the debate thing so it's definitely a win-win situation.

Wish me luck now! :D

Wedding ceremonies are the shiz?

Bees knees people! And I mean it. It's been an awfully long time since I last updated. Yes, I know it's my fault for being lazy and all, but I was simply too weary these past few days. Not that that statement meant much since I don't really have much to do, but I just feel tired. Perhaps it has something to do with rushing assignments, bringing myself to go for the debate practice and the upcoming Bioscience class test (which I have hardly prepared for and I don't know how in God's name am I going to be able to pass, let alone do well). But that's neither here nor there. All in a day's work really. You get a bit bipolar and manic but try to seek inner peace and calm later. Might work or you might just be wasting your time trying to meditate. Hey, whatever works man.

But back to the main topic. Apparently Fauzi and Izyan are doing the whole formal wedding ceremony thing down in (of all places) Sri Petaling! There is absolutely NO reason for missing this out. So I didn't of course. Strange since they already did the nikah and everything last year. Oh well, I didn't get a chance to go then and now I did yay! I went with Dilin though. She contacted me and everything so I have company. I might otherwise be a bit freaked out to go alone, not knowing what to do. Pleasant surprise when I saw a few of my classmates there too! :D And my IRP group members, how nice. Nida was there, as was Hannah, Aliaa, Goh, Zulaikha et al. I got to say congrats to the happy couple too hehe.

Oh yeah back to grinding for Bioscience now, not much time to chit chat. Pics will have to come later when I can upload from school (connex at vista is shit and you know it!)

Vigilance is key people!

You know, today's been rather... um, free. Apart from the Foundation Pharmacy thing in the morning there's nothing till later on. And yup you guessed it, it's the wonderful BM. The ATM wasn't working and I'm getting broke... great things come in twos and threes I suppose.

Still, nothing out of the ordinary. I had Starbucks last night. The usual Grande Chocolate Cream Chip Frap. I ended up spilling quite a lot of things about my family to Kah Yee. That wasn't very nice actually. Perhaps I should just keep quiet. Anyway. That's all in the past now.

I have to finish my Malay assignment now. Perhaps I'll write a longer thing later. Oh yes, and vigilance IS key. Sleepless vigils too.